The NFL season starts Thursday, which means you’re going to read a bunch of previews in order to gain insight on all 32 teams. Let me save you some time. Over the next couple of days, I’m going to go division-by-division and tell you why each team will win the Super Bowl and why they won’t. Next up is the AFC North.
Baltimore Ravens
Why They’ll Win The Super Bowl: Joe Flacco is in playoff form, Steve Smith is icing fools up, their defense will be great as always, their rookie receivers turn out to be big contributors, they don’t have to deal with any Ray Rice nonsense, John Harbaugh is a better coach than his brother, Marc Trestman makes Joe Flacco even better.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Steve Smith kills the rookie receivers, Baltimore riots again and every home game is played in an empty stadium, Joe Flacco isn’t elite, Steve Smith kills Joe Flacco.
Cincinnati Bengals
Why They’ll Win The Super Bowl: A.J. Green stays healthy, Andy Dalton surpasses Ed Sheeran as America’s Favorite Ginger, Marvin Lewis gets fired, their offense plays up to potential.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Marvin Lewis is still their head coach, Andy Dalton is still a ginger, they are still the Cincinnati Bengals.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Why They’ll Win The Super Bowl: They have the best 1-2-3 combo in the league in Ben Roethlisberger, Le’Veon Bell, and Antonio Brown, the offensive line is able to keep Ben Roethlisberger on his feet, their defense isn’t as bad as expected
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: Their defense sucks, Le’Veon Bell continues to value weed over football, Ben Roethlisberger continues to get beat up and they have to play Michael Vick.
Cleveland Browns
Why They’ll Win The Super Bowl: Their offensive line is really good, their linebackers and secondary is pretty good, Johnny Manziel puts as much into football as he does partying.
Why They Won’t Win The Super Bowl: They have no quarterback, they have no running back, they have no receivers.
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