Welcome to the Ultimate Football Blog Week Seventeen Power Rankings. Like most power rankings, this list is highly official and should never be doubted. If you disagree with it, you’re probably a moron.
1. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Let’s give the Bucs a lot of credit. They were up 20-7 to start the fourth quarter against a bad New Orleans Saints team with nothing to play with. If the Bucs had won, they would’ve done the most NFC South thing ever and screwed up their chance at the #1 overall pick. But they smartly packed it in. They let Brees throw the go-ahead touchdown pass and then ensured their loss by taking a safety on a potential game-winning drive. You didn’t do much right this year Tampa Bay, in fact you let a lot of idiots who thought you would be good down, but you saved your best football for last. And that’s how you get it done in the NFL.
2. Aaron Rodgers’ MVP Case
J.J. Watt once again played well on Sunday, but Rodgers leaving with an “injury” and then returning to help lead the Packers over the Lions pretty much wrapped up the MVP for him.
3. Andrew Luck vs. AFC North
6games. 134/206 (65%) passing. 1,733 yards. 16 touchdowns. 3 interceptions. 111.2 passer rating. 6 wins.
4. Cowboys on the Road
The Cowboys finished the season undefeated on the road and showed some really great killer instinct against a terrible Washington team. Now they host a playoff game at home.
5. Jim Harbaugh’s Bank Account
This dude is going to make more in college than any coach in the pros. And he doesn’t have to deal with a ton of egos. But he does have to live in Michigan.
6. Johnny Manziel’s Parties
I’ve never been invited to one of these things, but they sound like they are pretty epic. Josh Gordon told me.
7. NFC SOUTH CHAMPS BABY!
For the first time in division history, a team won back-to-back NFC South championships. That team? MY 7-8-1 CAROLINA PANTHERS!!!!!!
8. Rex Ryan’s Next Team
By the time you read this, Rex Ryan will probably have been fired. That’s good news for a team searching for a head coach. Ryan is a great head coach who was handcuffed by a lot of poor management decisions.
9. J.J. Watt
The Jaguars tried hard to give Watt the MVP, but for now he’ll have to settle for the weekly “Rag the Jags” spot.
10. The INT Battle
Jay Cutler played but didn’t throw an interception, season long leader Blake Bortles managed to take care over the ball, Drew Brees tried to make a late run, but wait THAT’S PHILIP RIVERS MUSIC!
32. Geno Smith
Good numbers in a meaningless game doesn’t make you a good quarterback. I can’t wait for people to talk themselves into Geno being “the guy” based on these last couple of weeks.
50. Bears QB Situation
Kyle Orton aint walking through that door.
73. Miami Dolphins and Washington Redksins
Who has the brighter future? The Dolphins have a disgruntled receiver, a mediocre quarterback with a hot wife, and a seemingly incompetent coach. The Redskins have a terrible owner, a terrible quarterback, and a coach who might be gone. Neither team seems to have a positive attitude either.
100. Philip Rivers and Matt Ryan
If I need to win a big game, these are the last two guys that I want on my team. Yet every year they are talked about as being “elite.” They are good quarterbacks, but they’ve proven time and time again that when it counts the most, they falter. Rivers and Ryan just needed to win on Sunday to get in the playoffs. They threw four interceptions and were sacked 13 times combined. Blame injuries, poor coaching, poor schemes, or whatever you want to blame. But blame Rivers and Ryan the most.
101. Dalton to Green
Every time Andy Dalton passes to A.J. Green it usually ends up being a turnover. Whether it’s a Dalton pick or a Green fumble, the ball seems to end up with the other team. Maybe Dalton should stop passing to Green.
174. Lions Stomp
One game isn’t enough at this point. These guys have been doing it all season.
200. January Peyton Manning
He doesn’t seem healthy and he’ll be playing in cold and nasty weather. Good luck.
296. Mike Smith’s Next Team
Unlike Rex Ryan, Mike Smith isn’t a very good coach and I encourage the fan base of the team that hires Mike Smith to revolt.
500. The Entire Raiders Defense
HOW DO YOU LET BROCK OSWEILER THROW A TOUCHDOWN TO SOME GUY NAMED VIRGIL GREEN?!?!?! ALL VIRGILS ARE JOBBERS!!!!!
1000. Steve Cook
Fantasy football is dumb and the Steelers won the division.
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